Check Your Privilege

My Privileges Smacked Me in the Face

The following has nothing to do with the color of my skin, though I do not deny that it provides me other privileges not discussed here.  It does not come from my income bracket, though I do not deny those privileges either when living in the United States automatically puts you into the top 1% of wealth in the world. My privileges have everything to do with the country I was born in, the parents I was born to, the husband I chose to marry, and the rights we in the First World, Millennium Generation view as basic actually being anything but.

I am Wanted. 

Tonight, as I couldn't sleep, I chose to watch documentaries on Netflix (which, I mean, is already an obvious privilege).  The two I chose to watch completely rocked the way I see my world.  The first, It's a Girl!, documents the simple privilege I didn't even realize I had: I am wanted.  In the documentary, it interviewed women in India that spoke openly about killing their little girls soon after birth because they hold the thought that to be a girl is to be a thief.  That when you have a daughter you will lose money because the daughter will marry (thus no longer belonging to your family) and she must have a dowry. (It is important to note that this is supposed to be an illegal practice, but continues due to tradition.)  By contrast, when you have a son, you gain a daughter-in-law and her dowry.  One interviewed woman openly discussed killing eight (8) of her newborn daughters in the hope that she would have a son, instead. 

I cannot even begin to describe the thankfulness I feel towards my parents.  Obviously, in the United States there is no practice of gendercide.  However, there still seems to be a drive to try for children until you have a son.  An importance is place on the fact that the son carries on the name of the family.  It never occurred to me when I was a child that my parents could have even wanted a son.  I asked my mother when I was in high school if they wanted me to be a boy or a girl and the following conversation happened:

Mom: We didn't care.  You were you before we even knew you and we loved you for it.

Me: Well, okay.  But once you knew that I was a girl and you found out you were pregnant with Krista, what did you hope she would be?

Mom: We wanted another girl so that you may know a forever friend.

Me: You say 'we.'  But do you remember having any conversations with Daddy and maybe he thinking he may have missed out not having a son?
Mom: We did have that conversation.  I asked him flat out if he ever wished he had a son, if he wanted someone to carry on his name.

And the answer he gave her, to this day, makes me tear up.

Dad: Never.  My girls were and are more than enough for me.  You will carry on my name, because you already hold my name and getting married and changing your last name will never belittle that. You and your sister mean no less than a son and are my eternal blessing.

(A cute edit I found out today:  Before my sister, I loved laying on my mother's stomach with my head on her chest.  The day my dad found out they were pregnant with my sister, he kindly lifted me off my mother and said, "And you can no longer do that!  But you can always lay on my tummy if you want.")

This shows three things about my world.  One, that even in the States we value sons more (even if we love daughters no less).  Two, the world at large could truly be capable of not valuing women at all. And three, my parents are the most loving, caring people in the world and wanted me so badly that it never occurred to my young mind that I could ever not be wanted.

I am Educated.

Kindergarten 

Chatfield Seior High 2010

There was never a doubt that I would finish college.  There was never a doubt that I would go to college.  There was never a doubt that I would finish high school  There was never a doubt that I would go to high school.  There was never a doubt that I wouldn't go to school.  But these certainties in my life are often the biggest doubts in young girls and women across the world.

In the second documentary, Half the Sky, I learned how many women are uneducated and the theme that was hit time and time again was that their struggles with poverty, prostitution, trafficking, Female Genitalia Cutting, and other numerous mountains to climb has one simple solution: education.  The ability to read and write, the ability to count money, the ability to earn an elementary (primary) education that you and I take so much for granted-- we can probably only remember recess. And what astounds and humbles me even more is that my education is not complete; that my husband, willingly and eagerly, has worked with me to figure out finances to add a master's of science to my name in order to become a counselor.  Education is important, people.

For a small amount of money we can give other women in these countries that ability to overcome.

I have Choice.

c Andy Barnheart Photography

I struggled to find a picture that would add something to this privilege.  At one point I thought about just adding a link to my Facebook photos, because they all embody the privilege blessings I live with from pictures of my Lacrosse team in high school to graduate pictures of high school.  Then  pictures of undergraduate studies to my wedding to our honeymoon and all other exotic vacations I have taken.  But I settled on a picture of me on my wedding day for three reasons: First, the obvious capture of the beautiful dress, veil, flowers, and pearls shown bought by my parents and fiance (well, the pearls, at least!) so I could feel my most beautiful on what is considered one of the most important days of your young life.  Second, the less obvious statement of the freedom to marry in a Christian ceremony without fear.  Third, an assumed blessing: choice. I chose to marry Christopher, I chose to marry after I earned a degree from UW.  I chose.

I am Valued.

Favorite flowers and an ice cream sundae wait for me after a hard day.

In the documentaries, women were not seen as anything more than baby son-making machines.  My husband sees me as his partner, as an intelligent human, as someone who can change the world if I so choose.  He does not see me as a baby-making factory.  My husband, my family, my community sees me as someone who can make a difference, who deserves to be educated and loved and respected.  Being valued has never even occurred to me as a privilege. All humans have a precious value, but not everyone shares that view and I am humbled to be considered valuable despite the fact.

With Humility, Consider it Checked.

c Kathryn Parton

I will understand that living in the United States alone gives me a better shot at a wonderful life than living in a developing country.  I will acknowledge that I was a wanted little girl.  That I am educated.  That I am a valued wife.  I will remember that things a First World Country sees as basic human rights is a privilege in the world and I will not devalue that by refusing to be thankful for it.

Everyone has privilege, and it is time we acknowledge it instead of hiding it in shame and use that privilege to better others.