1 Chronicals 15:11

This is Easy

But, honestly.  

I grew up in a Christian home.  I accepted Christ at 5 and still remember the night I bashfully asked my dad if I could steal his time with God and pray at dinner instead because, "I want to ask Jesus into my heart," I whispered.  

I remember him rushing to my mother (who was on the phone with my uncle) and pleading with her to get off the phone as quickly as possible.  I remember having to meet with the pastor and having him really not believe a small child understood the weight of sin and and the awe inspiring weight of grace. I remember being baptized, and half swimming to Brother Dell because someone forgot to drain the fount enough for my little frame to walk to him.

After that, I continued praying at dinner time with the family and at night with my dad that reflected what a child understands of sin, her day, and her belief that God would keep the scary dreams at bay (I had night terrors, you see) if only she were to ask:

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for today.  Thank you for mommy, and daddy, and my Best Friend Krissy. Please bless us tonight as we sleep, keep our dreams safe, and happy, and full of roses. Please forgive me all my sins especially [insert--normally fighting with my Best Friend Krissy]. In Jesus' holy name, Amen. 

To this day, I revert back to this little prayer before bed if I am very tired, and am not paying attention.  It is really easy to include the hubby and the dog, now, because not much else has changed. I still sin and I still have night terrors and I am still incredibly grateful for the people in my life.

I believe that God has had his hand in how my life has turned out.  From being wait-listed by every college except the University of Wyoming (then, ironically, being invited to join their universities after I accepted Wyoming) to meeting Christopher in an acting class and deciding that very moment that man was going to be my husband.

This is Hard

But, honestly.

I am human.  I am stubborn.  I want to be in control.  I do not like struggling with something and forcing my pride to give it up to God.  I do not like admitting that some things are bigger than I can handle.

I especially don't like feeling like I am throwing out questions that seem to never get answered. Why?? tends to happen.  Frequently.

But then, I must be reading the verse wrong.  I am seeking God.  All of him.  Not bits of him at a time: His Will when I am trying to decide on going back to school or His Plan when the hubby and I talk about when to start a family or His Forgiveness when I have messed up--again.  

I am to seek Him in all things, all the time: His Will when I am trying to decide on going back to school and His Plan when the hubby and I talk about when to start a family and His Forgiveness when I have messed up--again.  His Will, Plan, Forgiveness, Kindness, Gentleness, Love.  It is to be sought when the sun is shining and all is right with the world.  It is to be sought in the storm.  And normally, He makes a pretty amazing, humble entrance when you seek him.  The sunflower.  The rainbow.

c Kathryn Parton

And to always seek Him as well as I can takes a ton of effort.  It is not easy.  It is very hard. But I am always rewarded with the utmost peace and stillness of the soul when I find Him in anything.  It makes it all worth it.

Thus, in the end, this is my easiest and hardest Resolution to keep.  But also the most important.

Simply Happy, Incredibly Blessed.