Matthew 7:24-27

Our Home

In one of the shorter parables in the Bible, Matthew 7:24-27 describes the wise and foolish builders.

24 “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.26 But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”

 Why This Stuck Out Today

Personal Background

I have been sick.  My pregnancy with our precious one was difficult.  I had pregnancy-induced hypertension, resulting in an early induction of our daughter.  Then she couldn't handle the pitocin (her heart rate would plummet every time they started the drip) and I could not progress without it, leading to an unplanned, emergency c-section. Just when I thought I was out of the woods, I landed back in the hospital with pneumonia and doctors that couldn't shake something had to be wrong with my heart.  After another 4 days I was discharged again with a diagnoses of minor aortic regurgitation (AR) and pneumonia with instructions to come back in 6 weeks to have my heart tested again. It has now been two months, I have been scanned a second time, and I have been diagnosed with severe AR requiring surgery on my aortic valve to repair the prolapse. 

God's Grace in all of this was that I am asymptomatic. Without any of the symptoms I could have gone years without knowing my heart was attempting to keep up with too much blood leaking back into the heart instead of out of the aorta.  But keeping up with that amount of blood would take its toll, and by the time I showed any symptoms, I would be in congestive heart failure.  Not only did they catch it before any damage to the heart was done, they caught it early enough that they can repair instead of replace the valve.  This is also important because of my age.  A repair will last the rest of my God-given life.  A replacement would only last 15 years and open me up to three or four more surgeries to continually replace the old valves. 

Built on the Rock

But back to Matthew.  This parable stuck out to me, because I have been struggling.  Why, at 24 years old with a two month old and a husband of only a little over a year and a half, do I have to face the possibility of open heart surgery?  But then in my reading I came across the wise and foolish builders.  In this parable Jesus is not speaking of literal houses.  He is speaking of life.  If you build your life on the things and support of this world, when the storms of life rage you will crumble.  However, if you build your life on HIM, you will not falter.  That's the easy take away.  The thing that stuck me was that the same things happened to both the wise and foolish man.  Christ did not promise we would be protected from the storms of life, only supported. 

I have been a Christian all my life, and I have been protected from the majority of the storms.  Now my little family faces what feels like a hurricane, and Matthew reminds me that as long as we trust in the Lord we will weather the storm. 

My Charge to You

Do not get angry with God.  Do not ask why.  Those are pitfalls I fell into, and they lead to only darkness and no answers.  Instead, find comfort that The Rock will support you through your own storms in this life.  I will always pray for you.  You only need to email me and ask.

A New Look at 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

My wonderful husband has taken the baby for an outing all morning in the hopes that I would "do whatever I needed to do."  Examples given were "sleep, read, eat." He knows me well!  But I figured I would get this small thought down on the blog that hasn't been updated in FOREVER.

A Guide to Dating

I recently saw an idea on raising daughters in a Christian home and helping them to date.  They used 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 to make their point.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 

And they told their daughter to insert the boyfriend/crush's name into the place of "Love" and ask if all statements rang true. "Billy is patient, Billy is kind.  Billy does not envy, he does not boast, he is not proud.  He does not dishonor others, he is not self-seeking, he is not easily angered, he keeps no record of wrongs.  Billy does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  He always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves." 

I thought that it was a beautiful idea, and outlines exactly what I hope our little girl would look for in her own relationships (when she's 40, that is!).  But then I really started to think and pray on it.

Teaching Her to Love

And it hit me: It isn't just a lesson I needed to teach her so that she finds love in someone else, but a lesson I needed to teach her to be in order to show others loev.  This is how I teach my girl to love herself, her significant other, her family, her friends, and her neighbors.

When she is old enough I will ask her if, when she enters her name into 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, does she think all statements are true.  Is she always patient with her sibling?  Is she always kind to her mother?

Of course the answer will be no--people slip up.  We make mistakes.  Only Jesus can be entered in place of Love and the verse ring true every.single.time.  But we can attempt to make it happen, ask for forgiveness of those we hurt when we fail, and pray for a little bit of God's perfect love to shine through us in all of our relationships.

With this lesson I can mold her into a loving young woman while also being able to teach her the beauty of grace and mercy.

But What About Us?

As I thought a little longer, I realized that this is not something to only be taught to our children.  It is something we should all learn.  Even if we are already married.  Even if no relationships seem to be bad in our lives.  Ask ourselves if, as a wife, am I always kind?  As a mother, am I always patient? And any statement that isn't true, we should ask for guidance and assistance in making the statement true.

Katie is patient, Katie is kind.  She does not envy, she does not boast, she is not proud.  She does not dishonor others, she is not self-seeking, she is not easily angered, she keeps no record of wrongs.  Katie does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  She always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.

I don't know about you, but writing it out like that.  Forcing myself to evaluate each sentence, there is still PLENTY of work to be done.  But in the words of Philippians 1:6, there is hope.
"God's not done with me yet."

Christmas Reflections

c Kathryn Parton

Absence Apology

I am so very sorry that I have not posted since forever!  Life has been incredibly busy for us moving into our first home and preparing for our first child.  But I'm back!  And I can't promise when the next post will happen, but it will probably be after the New Year.

Silent Night

As a Child

Isaiah 9:6

Reflecting on the story of Christmas has always been an important thing in my family--be that while we are at church or just at home in front of the tree before going to bed on Christmas Eve.  As a child I always thought of Christ and this wonderful, little King that came to the world in order to save us all with a horrific death 33 years later.  How perfectly the holidays of Christmas and Easter are juxtaposed as peace and tragedy while both still carrying the same hopeful message of John 3:16--neither complete without the other.

As an Expecting Mother

Luke 1:30-38

But as I sit here expecting our sweet daughter in just a few week's time I find myself reflecting more on Mary, the Chosen Mother of God.  

My pregnancy has been relatively straight forward and uncomplicated, but at 30 weeks we found out that I have pregnancy-induced hypertension.  At 34 weeks we (finally) have the blood pressure under control with medicine, and every Monday we have NSTs (where Lily's heartbeat is monitored) and an ultrasound to check on her growth (she's 5 pounds as of last week!) and my fluid levels. 

Then I think of all the running these two young people had to do to keep their little family safe and the idea that Mary never had any modern medicine to help her pregnancy and labor.  I think of how scared Mary must have been to bring such an important child into the world.  How would she ever parent him?  Would she ever need to correct him?  How blessed she must have felt to have Joseph.  And she was so young.  Some speculate she was only 14.  She had no modern medicine to monitor her pregnancy.  She had no modern technology to monitor Christ's growth, little heart, breathing practicing.  It overwhelmed me to think of all the help I have that she did not.  How did she manage that kind of fear?

Then it hit me:  Her trust in God was unparalleled.  She trusted God would watch over her, would watch over her child, and would watch over her husband.  Sometimes, in this world full of modern medical wonders, it is easy to forget that sometimes the best thing we can do is just trust in God.  My doctor even mentioned that at a visit where I was frustrated and strung out:  God designed a pretty awesome system of carrying, protecting, and having children and I'd have to find some comfort in that, too.

God provided Christopher as a loving, wonderful husband that will protect Lily and I to the ends of the Earth.  He provided good doctors to watch any of our slight hiccups.  He has provided for me and my (comparatively unimportant, yet still precious) child just as he did for Mary and Christ.  What a humbling and joyous realization.

To You and Yours

Merry Christmas, everyone!  Be safe, stay warm, and enjoy the company of your loved ones.

Luke 2:11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.

c Kathryn Parton

Check Your Privilege

My Privileges Smacked Me in the Face

The following has nothing to do with the color of my skin, though I do not deny that it provides me other privileges not discussed here.  It does not come from my income bracket, though I do not deny those privileges either when living in the United States automatically puts you into the top 1% of wealth in the world. My privileges have everything to do with the country I was born in, the parents I was born to, the husband I chose to marry, and the rights we in the First World, Millennium Generation view as basic actually being anything but.

I am Wanted. 

Tonight, as I couldn't sleep, I chose to watch documentaries on Netflix (which, I mean, is already an obvious privilege).  The two I chose to watch completely rocked the way I see my world.  The first, It's a Girl!, documents the simple privilege I didn't even realize I had: I am wanted.  In the documentary, it interviewed women in India that spoke openly about killing their little girls soon after birth because they hold the thought that to be a girl is to be a thief.  That when you have a daughter you will lose money because the daughter will marry (thus no longer belonging to your family) and she must have a dowry. (It is important to note that this is supposed to be an illegal practice, but continues due to tradition.)  By contrast, when you have a son, you gain a daughter-in-law and her dowry.  One interviewed woman openly discussed killing eight (8) of her newborn daughters in the hope that she would have a son, instead. 

I cannot even begin to describe the thankfulness I feel towards my parents.  Obviously, in the United States there is no practice of gendercide.  However, there still seems to be a drive to try for children until you have a son.  An importance is place on the fact that the son carries on the name of the family.  It never occurred to me when I was a child that my parents could have even wanted a son.  I asked my mother when I was in high school if they wanted me to be a boy or a girl and the following conversation happened:

Mom: We didn't care.  You were you before we even knew you and we loved you for it.

Me: Well, okay.  But once you knew that I was a girl and you found out you were pregnant with Krista, what did you hope she would be?

Mom: We wanted another girl so that you may know a forever friend.

Me: You say 'we.'  But do you remember having any conversations with Daddy and maybe he thinking he may have missed out not having a son?
Mom: We did have that conversation.  I asked him flat out if he ever wished he had a son, if he wanted someone to carry on his name.

And the answer he gave her, to this day, makes me tear up.

Dad: Never.  My girls were and are more than enough for me.  You will carry on my name, because you already hold my name and getting married and changing your last name will never belittle that. You and your sister mean no less than a son and are my eternal blessing.

(A cute edit I found out today:  Before my sister, I loved laying on my mother's stomach with my head on her chest.  The day my dad found out they were pregnant with my sister, he kindly lifted me off my mother and said, "And you can no longer do that!  But you can always lay on my tummy if you want.")

This shows three things about my world.  One, that even in the States we value sons more (even if we love daughters no less).  Two, the world at large could truly be capable of not valuing women at all. And three, my parents are the most loving, caring people in the world and wanted me so badly that it never occurred to my young mind that I could ever not be wanted.

I am Educated.

Kindergarten 

Chatfield Seior High 2010

There was never a doubt that I would finish college.  There was never a doubt that I would go to college.  There was never a doubt that I would finish high school  There was never a doubt that I would go to high school.  There was never a doubt that I wouldn't go to school.  But these certainties in my life are often the biggest doubts in young girls and women across the world.

In the second documentary, Half the Sky, I learned how many women are uneducated and the theme that was hit time and time again was that their struggles with poverty, prostitution, trafficking, Female Genitalia Cutting, and other numerous mountains to climb has one simple solution: education.  The ability to read and write, the ability to count money, the ability to earn an elementary (primary) education that you and I take so much for granted-- we can probably only remember recess. And what astounds and humbles me even more is that my education is not complete; that my husband, willingly and eagerly, has worked with me to figure out finances to add a master's of science to my name in order to become a counselor.  Education is important, people.

For a small amount of money we can give other women in these countries that ability to overcome.

I have Choice.

c Andy Barnheart Photography

I struggled to find a picture that would add something to this privilege.  At one point I thought about just adding a link to my Facebook photos, because they all embody the privilege blessings I live with from pictures of my Lacrosse team in high school to graduate pictures of high school.  Then  pictures of undergraduate studies to my wedding to our honeymoon and all other exotic vacations I have taken.  But I settled on a picture of me on my wedding day for three reasons: First, the obvious capture of the beautiful dress, veil, flowers, and pearls shown bought by my parents and fiance (well, the pearls, at least!) so I could feel my most beautiful on what is considered one of the most important days of your young life.  Second, the less obvious statement of the freedom to marry in a Christian ceremony without fear.  Third, an assumed blessing: choice. I chose to marry Christopher, I chose to marry after I earned a degree from UW.  I chose.

I am Valued.

Favorite flowers and an ice cream sundae wait for me after a hard day.

In the documentaries, women were not seen as anything more than baby son-making machines.  My husband sees me as his partner, as an intelligent human, as someone who can change the world if I so choose.  He does not see me as a baby-making factory.  My husband, my family, my community sees me as someone who can make a difference, who deserves to be educated and loved and respected.  Being valued has never even occurred to me as a privilege. All humans have a precious value, but not everyone shares that view and I am humbled to be considered valuable despite the fact.

With Humility, Consider it Checked.

c Kathryn Parton

I will understand that living in the United States alone gives me a better shot at a wonderful life than living in a developing country.  I will acknowledge that I was a wanted little girl.  That I am educated.  That I am a valued wife.  I will remember that things a First World Country sees as basic human rights is a privilege in the world and I will not devalue that by refusing to be thankful for it.

Everyone has privilege, and it is time we acknowledge it instead of hiding it in shame and use that privilege to better others.

1 Chronicals 15:11

This is Easy

But, honestly.  

I grew up in a Christian home.  I accepted Christ at 5 and still remember the night I bashfully asked my dad if I could steal his time with God and pray at dinner instead because, "I want to ask Jesus into my heart," I whispered.  

I remember him rushing to my mother (who was on the phone with my uncle) and pleading with her to get off the phone as quickly as possible.  I remember having to meet with the pastor and having him really not believe a small child understood the weight of sin and and the awe inspiring weight of grace. I remember being baptized, and half swimming to Brother Dell because someone forgot to drain the fount enough for my little frame to walk to him.

After that, I continued praying at dinner time with the family and at night with my dad that reflected what a child understands of sin, her day, and her belief that God would keep the scary dreams at bay (I had night terrors, you see) if only she were to ask:

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for today.  Thank you for mommy, and daddy, and my Best Friend Krissy. Please bless us tonight as we sleep, keep our dreams safe, and happy, and full of roses. Please forgive me all my sins especially [insert--normally fighting with my Best Friend Krissy]. In Jesus' holy name, Amen. 

To this day, I revert back to this little prayer before bed if I am very tired, and am not paying attention.  It is really easy to include the hubby and the dog, now, because not much else has changed. I still sin and I still have night terrors and I am still incredibly grateful for the people in my life.

I believe that God has had his hand in how my life has turned out.  From being wait-listed by every college except the University of Wyoming (then, ironically, being invited to join their universities after I accepted Wyoming) to meeting Christopher in an acting class and deciding that very moment that man was going to be my husband.

This is Hard

But, honestly.

I am human.  I am stubborn.  I want to be in control.  I do not like struggling with something and forcing my pride to give it up to God.  I do not like admitting that some things are bigger than I can handle.

I especially don't like feeling like I am throwing out questions that seem to never get answered. Why?? tends to happen.  Frequently.

But then, I must be reading the verse wrong.  I am seeking God.  All of him.  Not bits of him at a time: His Will when I am trying to decide on going back to school or His Plan when the hubby and I talk about when to start a family or His Forgiveness when I have messed up--again.  

I am to seek Him in all things, all the time: His Will when I am trying to decide on going back to school and His Plan when the hubby and I talk about when to start a family and His Forgiveness when I have messed up--again.  His Will, Plan, Forgiveness, Kindness, Gentleness, Love.  It is to be sought when the sun is shining and all is right with the world.  It is to be sought in the storm.  And normally, He makes a pretty amazing, humble entrance when you seek him.  The sunflower.  The rainbow.

c Kathryn Parton

And to always seek Him as well as I can takes a ton of effort.  It is not easy.  It is very hard. But I am always rewarded with the utmost peace and stillness of the soul when I find Him in anything.  It makes it all worth it.

Thus, in the end, this is my easiest and hardest Resolution to keep.  But also the most important.

Simply Happy, Incredibly Blessed.

On Marriage

A Little Over 1/2 a Year

We are by no means any kind of marriage experts.  I, especially, am learning how to be a wife, how to run a home, how to be married.  The following is my own reflection on our short marriage, and an outlook on what life may have in store for us.  It is not intended to overstep or to give advice to others in some prolific way.  (And I have done so with as much gentleness as I can.  I do not mean for anyone to vomit in their mouths from over-sweetness.)

In Awe

Everyone speaks about Newlywed Bliss, and why is that?  Possibly because right now I still look at my husband and think, "My God, what a wonderful thing You have blessed me with."  I smile when he can't see because he's done something cute with Tiberius, or he's getting into bed, or he's working very hard to keep the house picked up after I've deep cleaned it.  What makes me sad is that most people believe this awe shouldn't doesn't last.  

Why?  I truly believe one secret to being happy is reflecting daily on how blessed you are to have this wonderful person in your life.  The days where you are tempted to say, "You're stupid.  Get away from me" should break your heart when they've not done something truly terrible to earn that disgust. And to not want to talk it out... well, that would make for some very lonely years wasted.  If I plan on spending 80 years with someone, you betcha I'm going to make it known what hurt my feelings, what makes me most joyful, what my dreams are, what my goals are.  And I welcome his sharing, too.  It is the only way to grow together instead of apart.

It is difficult to explain the little jump my heart still makes when the Mister comes home.  All I know is this is happiness, and I will do everything in my power to keep it so.

A Servant's Heart

If I learned anything from my mother (and I learned many things) it was the importance of a Servant's Heart in a marriage.  To give all that you have to another has the possibility to open up doors you never knew existed and encourages unconditional love in your spouse and your children.

My father worked ungodly hours while I was growing up, and normally it consisted of getting up at 4:30 am.  My sister and I would follow at 5:30. (What?  Our hair took FOREVER and looking good in middle/high school is very important!) In high school, my family was blessed to have my mother stay home.  She worked when she wanted, but the work she did at home kept her plenty busy.

She was always up at 4 am.  She was making our breakfasts, then packing our lunches, then running around making sure that all three of us were actually awake. (I had this nasty habit of faking getting up and then falling asleep on the comfy bathroom rug...)

To this day, I do not know if she knows what kind of love that showered the three of us with.  I do know that my father was always talking about how blessed he felt for those lunches.

To look after another human with every fiber of your being with a passion that could rival the sun... I really cannot think of a better blueprint for a happy family.

c Andy Barnheart, Photography
c Chris Parton, Quote from Vows

Resolution

"To continue marriage with a loving, joyful heart."  

The above defines my outlook on what marriage is, and I plan to run after continued awe and a servant's heart with love and joy.

Simply Happy, Incredibly Blessed.

To Be Gentler

c Kathryn Parton

Gentleness is Not an Act

Unlike kindness, gentleness is, simply, a spirit.  When one strives to be gentle, one must strive to change their very being in order to have a spirit of gentleness.  

It is not a choice to have an act of gentleness.  It is not a choice to be gentle towards another human, gentle towards an animal, gentle towards yourself.  

It is in someone's very nature.  So how can we make a Resolution "to be gentler?"

Strength

Leo Buscaglia's quote doesn't end with his idea on cruel people.  He continues on to say that "gentleness can only be expected from the strong."

If you want to be gentle, first you have to be strong.  Strong enough to choose the harder path, strong enough to shut down your cruelness, strong enough to be gentle.  

Good thing about strength?  It is a choice to build it.  It is a choice to exercise it.  To use every available chance to strengthen your ability to respond with gentleness.

What I'm (Planning On) Doing

Thus, to fulfill my Resolution, I plan to actively work on being strong enough to pick a gentle response, even if it can't always be considered kind.  To deliver bad news gently, even if I may have understood this would be the outcome all along.  To gently steer the rambunctious little kid back to his dad as he runs around in Walmart.  To gently respond to my husband.  To gently respond to my dog peeing on the floor (a-freaking-gain.  Those medicines are a doosy on his bladder.)  

In order to be gentle, I must have strength of character.  And in order to do so, I must actively choose to be kind and must always pick the gentle response.  Character strength will follow, and gentleness will be a characteristic of mine instead of a conscious thought.

What Will You Do?

Are you already gentle?  Share with the rest of us how you do it!

Are you wishing to be gentle more often?  Reflect, meditate, pray on how to become so and follow your own path to gentleness.  If 50% of us are kind and 50% of us are gentle, my Lord, the world would become Eden once again.

Simply Happy, Incredibly Blessed.